Things I've Learned from an Old Grouchy Mare
... A human can survive on 45-minute increments of sleep for one week straight. It is possible, it's just not pretty.
... My past of going out for a romantic dinner once a week is just that... in my past.
... Being in the barn aisle at 3am does not only happen during show season.
... Bute paste, when flung out of a horse's mouth and into your eyeballs, burns like hell.
... My vet answers his phone at 10pm, midnight and 1:30am by saying, "What's wrong with my girl, now?"
... 400 pounds doesn't "just go back on like that".
... Dewormer tastes horrific (that's both Ivermectin and Panacur, in case you were wondering)
... If you are 100% certain of a diagnosis, you are 100% wrong. Guaranteed.
... Colic only occurs under two conditions: 1) when I haven't slept for days, or 2) if I haven't slept for days and I have made rare "off-the-farm" plans.
... SMZ paste stains all clothing.
... My vet has secret plans of retiring off of me.
... Syringes are cheaper when you buy them by the 100-count box.
... SMZs are cheaper when you buy them by the 500-count bottle.
... Tall horses can amazingly grow even taller just prior to receiving oral medications.
... Mounting blocks sometimes are just not big enough.
... You cannot hold up a 900-pound horse. You just can't.
... The healthier mares are, the more bitchier and impatient they become.
... Medicine cannot be hidden in any of the following more than once: applesauce, molasses, sweet feed, pudding, whole apples or carrots.
... If you attempt to hide medicine in any of the above a second time, be prepared to have it blown in your hair and face, doused in saliva and partially chewed grain.
... If aggravated enough, horses will give you that "middle finger" look.
... There are three things in life that are certain: death, taxes and vet bills.
... Wrapping hind legs stimulates an instantaneous and horrendous gas reflex.
... Pill crushers cause massive blisters. Subsequent stall cleaning with said blisters is damn near impossible.
... Any manufacturer that says their product is "apple-flavored" lies.