Monday, August 16, 2010

Goodbye is Never Easy

It is with tears in my eyes that I write this post.

As many of you know, the past month has been difficult for Faith. A few weeks back, she laid down in her paddock as she always did, soaking up the sun. However this time would not be the same as usual. She struggled to get up, but could not make it to her feet. Unbeknownst to us as the time, she had snapped the ligament in her left hip. She was down for three hours until the vets and five adults helped her to her feet. But she made it. She always pulled through.

We quickly learned of her injury, and at that time, I was contemplating saying goodbye to her. A horse of her age would not recover from that sort of injury, but my vet insisted to give her a week. Even though I doubted him greatly, I knew that if anyone could pull through, Faith could.

The next week was filled with oral medicine every 8 hours, and a big mare learning how to rebalance her hind end. As sure as heck, the old lady pulled through. Once again, I was amazed.

However, the last few weeks have been difficult. Each time Faith laid down she would need assistance getting back to her feet. And each time her hip became worse. She was just too old and too weak to be able to do it on her own any more. But I always gave her that one last try. At all hours of the day and night we helped her, rolling her over and encouraging her to her feet, at least a half dozen times. And each time she eventually made it to her feet.

Last Saturday morning I woke up early to go to a horse show. I looked outside my bedroom window and Faith was laying down in her paddock. My heart sunk. I rushed out to see her and it was clear that she was tired. She had done enough and it wasn't fair to her. It wasn't safe for the people around her. It was time.

Dr. George came out for one final visit. She laid there, with a full belly and surrounded by people who loved her. Then she closed her eyes and went to sleep one last time. Everyone was emotional, including the vet who had worked so hard for her over the past 18 months.

I drove to the show, holding back tears from my students. They would be competing all weekend and I didn't want to ruin their fun and excitement. They didn't need to know what had happened at that point. I did my best to hide my devastation. When we returned from the show a few days later, they learned of the news and broke down. Then one by one they wrapped their arms around me and thanked me for saving her and loving her. It meant so much.

I can't remember who it was, but someone had posted a while back that horses aren't afraid of death like we are, they are afraid of pain and fear. That quote helped me get through this, so whoever said that, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To my dearest Faith: Eighteen months with you went by too quickly, but the memories we shared will last forever. You were loved by many, and loved us back in your own special way. You touched the lives of countless people and animals, and for that I thank you. However your work is not yet done. Your story will continue to educate and help others. I love you very much, and I miss you even more. Rest peacefully, my dearest Faith.

Faith - May 16, 1982 - August 7, 2010

43 comments:

  1. Julie, because of you, I found out my "Satin" was with those horse abusers in Loudon with Faith. I will never forget you as one HELL of a human being that saved the life of a horse that was nearly dead. It cost you a TON of money, love and compassion to give "Faith" back her life and time to realize she was LOVED before she passed. And I for one, respect the hell out of you for that! May God bless you for the rest of your life, you are amazing.....

    Respectfully, Joyce Maxwell, Milton, NH

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am sitting here on the other side of the world sobbing for a horse I never met but feel like I did. Thank goodness Faith had you Julie. I am sending a HUGE hug to you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You did the right thing, but I am sure it felt like it was the hardest thing in the world. Faith knew how much you loved her. God Bless

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh no. I know how you feel, even though you only had her 18 months theres a bond formed and it's heartbreaking when this happens. I had to put my mare down a week ago tomorrow because she just would not hold weight anymore (losing weight despite more grain than a horse her size really needed and alfalfa) and was having breathing problems so it's still a close wound. Faith had a wonderful time with you and you did an amazing thing with her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, poor Faith. :( At least she was in heaven during her last year and a half.

    -Cygnata and Gryph

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm sitting here in Perth, Western Australia crying my eyes out over poor Faith.

    You have done the right thing but such things are never easy.

    She was so dear and I'm sure so grateful for all the love and support you and everyone there gave her.

    My thoughts and tears are joined with yours and I'm sending e-hugs across the miles.

    Glod bless dear Faith and rest in peace old girl.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am very sad... even crying at work. I am very sorry for your lost. Remember, you did the very best you could for Faith, she couldn't ask for anything more than what you gave her. She was very grateful and I am sure you made her smile. You gave her the best possible outcome and jumped many hurdles trying to get her comfortable. I think you did the right thing... Faith's quality of live was deteriorating and she might've become unhappy. You better believe that she is running as fast as she can, mane and tail in the wind with all her friends. You will be forever in her heart, just like she is in yours. Letting a dear friend go is always hard, but at least you've tried your best to keep her healthy for a long time.
    I know I will never forget Faith's story and the people who worked so hard for her. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Julie,

    My thoughts are with you. I know that this must be incredibly difficult. But as others have said here, you did the kindest thing for her. You released her from the body that was holding her back.

    It was me that said that horses aren't afraid of death like we are. I'm so glad that I could help you even that little bit, from 3000 miles away in Oregon.

    In any case, you did the right thing. Faith let you know it was time and you heard her and responded. As I also said before, you gave Faith an amazing last year. She had a regular routine and she knew that each and every day, there would be hay and grain mush waiting for her in her stall. The water bucket would always be full, and there would always be someone to look after her. For a horse, that is the best you can offer them - the comfort of a regular routine and the knowledge that there will always be food. That is heaven for a horse and again, as I said before, you made that possible for Faith so that makes you an Angel.

    Thank you again for everything you do for horses and for kids. There is no lesson greater than teaching children about compassion and about our responsibility as the stewards of animals. Taking on Faith and caring for her as you did is the ultimate demonstration of teaching by example.

    -Heather
    (aka the Crazy Donkey Lady)

    ReplyDelete
  9. rest in green pastures, bathed in sunlight and love, Faith.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There are no words that will be any true consolation, but Julie, thank you for everything you did for Faith. She knew kindness, and she knew love, and she left this world with a fresh memory of 18 wonderful months. I am very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Julie,
    I think I can honestly say I am a better person because of your selfless commitment to Faith. You are the benchmark, you have done right by Faith in all of your actions, including the last one.
    God Bless you and Gob Bless Faith.

    ReplyDelete
  12. God Bless Faith.

    You did an an amazing thing for (and with) Faith.

    ReplyDelete
  13. jULIE,
    As much as I knew this day would come, when I read it ( pure sadness). Somehow we thought that Faith would live forever ( and through you she will).
    How hard this past month must have been for you, but knew that as much as you loved her you would never let her suffer. And knowing that she was not alone but with people she loved, she was allready in heaven.
    Our thoughts and prayers to all who loved and cared for FAITH..thank you for putting my favorite picture of you and faith. Please keep Faith's site going, maybe even a little memorial for all of us.

    TAKE CARE & GOD BLESS, RITA

    ReplyDelete
  14. Julie

    You gave Faith the greatest gift of all...Love.

    I'm sitting in my room with tears in my eyes.

    RIP Faith

    {{{Julie}}}

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh, no... my heart just broke when I read this news on the Fugly blog. It is not unexpected, but all of us Fans of Faith thought the old girl would somehow cheat fate and once again pull through. The best thing I can tell you, Julie, is what my wonderful vet said when I had to put a beloved pet to sleep: "The last and best thing we can do for them is to take their pain onto ourselves." You helped Faith cross the Rainbow Bridge when she was ready. Bless you, your family, your veterinary team and all the kids at your barn for ALL you did for her. She touched many lives (across the globe!)and she will never be forgotten... You are TRULY a good person and I feel privileged to "know" you. You made a difference in that one special life!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I followed Faith's story and am so sorry to hear she has passed.

    Here's a link I give to anyone who has made the right decision: http://specialhorses.org/thisItBeRight.html ... You may bawl your eyes out, but it is absolutely a tribute to you and everyone else who has been there.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You provided the ultimate gift to Faith , you loved her enough to let her go. May God comfort you & give you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Jewlz just like I said people said your a hero not just to FAITH but horses everwere. I loved that horse as soon as i saw her. Everone thanks U and Loves U. AND I'LL ALWAYS BE MY HERO AND THAT OLD GROUCHY LADYS HERO! THANKS FOR LETTING ME BE A FARMER BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS BE AND SO GLAD THAT I'M! HORSES 4-EVER FARMER DAN!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm sitting here in my living room bawling my eyes out right now. I know it was for the best and you did the right thing. Even though I didn't get a chance to meet her, I feel like I knew her. You did an amazing thing for that strong mare and never forget it. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you and Faith's story really did inspire me. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    RIP Beautiful Girl

    Erin O'Rielly

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh this breaks my heart to a thousand pieces. I've talked about Faith's revival incessantly...I'm so heartbroken to hear that she finally had to give in.

    I hope she...sleep well.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I had a feeling that this was the way it all was going to end. Poor Faith tried so hard to live. She had the best life had to offer for those few short months you had her; what more can any horse ask for--to die with a full belly amid people who loved and cared for her. She did not die starving in a field or hanging on a hook. RIP, Faith.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Julie, I can hardly see for all the tears. Bless you and your family for doing so much for Faith. She really lucked out by finding you. God has a special place for people such as yourself. You are a blessing to those around you and to those who have followed Faith's journey. I can't say enough how thankful I am that you were there for Faith. She has good company at the Rainbow Bridge. My own love is there, Sweet Dakota Dream. I lost him just 2 years ago and my life will never be the same.

    God bless you and keep you. You are one of His special Angels.

    Pam

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so sorry for your loss. I have learned some things in the past VERY hard year.

    (1) When you lose a horse, it is NEVER easy. They have a way of touching your heart without you even knowing it.

    (2) They KNOW long before we do, when their work here is done. Faith's efforts these past few weeks was perhaps her way of telling you it's ok to let go.

    (3) Long before you think you are ready, another sweet life in need comes to you, filling you with hope, bringing memories of the ones you lost, and slowly winding themselves around your heart.

    Take what Faith taught you and bring love and care to another sad soul in need.

    God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi Julie,

    I'm sure you've thought of this, but I just want to lend some encouragement.

    When you're ready, I think it would be really cool if you rededicated this blog to following the animals you have rescued and will rescue.

    I know Faith started something for you and I think it would be a great way to honor her name and spirit.

    -Heather

    ReplyDelete
  25. I was not there from the beginning of Faith's story, but when I came across her blog I had to read all the way back from the beginning, and always tried to remember to check back a couple times a month to track her progress. I am sad to hear that the world has lost such a grand lady, but so glad that she was able to be loved to bits in her last months and to finally pass with dignity. She reminds me so much of my own old Trakehner gal, whom I can only hope will have such lovely, loving last days.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi Julie,

    I just stumbled on your blog... I'm so touched by the story of Faith (how well named!)

    This gentle soul roams free in the fields of heaven, and thanks to you, she went in peace.

    God bless you!

    ReplyDelete
  27. HI Julie,
    I know it has been 2and a half months since we lost our beloved FAITH, how are you doing, I saw you at the Deerfield for a few minutes but you were very busy. We sure miss all the stories you posted about Faith and friends, the good ones and the sad ones..
    Hope sometime when you can update us on Pet, Jag and other rescues, also do you still hear how Linus is doing, he went through so much with his surgery,and Victoria
    Hope to hear from you. TAKE CARE, RITA

    ReplyDelete
  28. I just stumbled on your blog and can't tell you how sorry I am for you losing Faith. I'm an animal lover and have gone through losing 3 cats and 1 dog. It's not easy. I can sympathize with you and have tears in my eyes knowing how you feel. You did a final act of love for Faith. I'm sure she knew you loved her and you took good care of her for the length of time you had her. May God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh how very sad. We went through a similar agony last summer with a foundered Percheron, with whom we struggled to save but, in spite of our best intentions, simply could not. Kudos to you for allowing Faith to live and die with dignity.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh, poor Faith. :( At least she was in heaven during her last year and a half.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I just happened to come across your blog...
    That is such a sad story, and I feel so sorry for you!

    -Destiny
    http://destinywildhorserp.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wow THIS BLOG HAS Made me cry. I hope she rests peacfully and she will be in a better place. Keep You Chin Up High And God Bless You.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I love your blog!! It is truly an amazing Story, keep up the good work!

    Check out my Blog about my Darling Chihuahua Puppy named DIVA!!

    http://divalavega.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  34. That's really sad!!! I have a horse too and I would be heart broken if she died!!! It's hard enough leaving her behind while I go to college, but if she died it would just be awful!!! I hope you're doing alright! :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dear Julie, It was a year ago today that our beloved Faith left us, but I still go on her web site and read and look at all your great stories and updates that we miss so much..Wanted to let you know that we think of you often and all of the horses that you have helped...Hope all is well with you and Greenwood stables. Rita xx

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am very sad... even crying at work. I am very sorry for your lost. Remember, you did the very best you could for Faith, she couldn't ask for anything more than what you gave her. She was very grateful and I am sure you made her smile. You gave her the best possible outcome and jumped many hurdles trying to get her comfortable. I think you did the right thing... Faith's quality of live was deteriorating and she might've become unhappy. You better believe that she is running as fast as she can, mane and tail in the wind with all her friends. You will be forever in her heart, just like she is in yours. Letting a dear friend go is always hard, but at least you've tried your best to keep her healthy for a long time.
    I know I will never forget Faith's story and the people who worked so hard for her. :)
    cheap flights to colombo
    flights to colombo
    colombo flights

    ReplyDelete
  37. wow i have just read your entire blog from beginning to end, and it is the most amazing story i have ever heard. not only did faith inspire you to take in more rescue horses but she clearly touched the hearts of so many with her story. i hope one day i do something as beautiful as what you did with faith, may she rest in peace,

    ReplyDelete
  38. I cried reading this. I'm sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am just in love with horses, and i will never forget faith. Bless both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  40. True. One of the saddest part of life.

    ReplyDelete